


Honky Cat

by ambercreek95



Category: South Park
Genre: Crack, Craig is Princess Jasmine, Creek Week 2020, Giant Guinea Pig, Kenny is Abu, M/M, This basically just word for word the meet cute scene from Aladdin, This is a crack fic, Tweek is Aladdin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27235711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambercreek95/pseuds/ambercreek95
Summary: CREEK WEEK 2020: DAY THREE - ROYALS/PIRATESWhat if Craig was Princess Jasmine and Tweek was Aladdin and they met in the market in exactly the same way that happens in the movies?This is entirely a crack fic and is pretty much just word for word the meet cute scene from Aladdin.Warning: May cause you to lose brain cells from all the crack. Read at own risk
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20
Collections: sp creek server does creek week 2020





	Honky Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to jewboykahl and 72katie for proof reading and editing this for me! as always, I could not have done it without your help.

Craig slips past the grandiose fountain in the middle of the immaculate gardens, making his way to the castle walls. It’s barely dawn, and he is thankful for the cover of darkness in aiding his escape. He's dressed in his most casual garb and he has draped an old shawl around his head, hoping to further conceal his identity.

Craig finally spots his target in the distance; an old gnarled oak tree stretching up and over the castle wall. He walks up to the tree, grabbing onto the lowest hanging branch, and planting his foot on a divet in the trunk, when he feels a sudden force tugging him back.

His heart jumps into his throat thinking he’s been caught until he turns around. Thankfully, it’s just Stripe, his tiger sized guinea pig, biting on the tail of his shawl and trying to pull him back towards the castle.

“I'm sorry Stripe, but I can’t stay here and have my life lived for me.” He wraps his arms around the guinea pig's thick neck, pulling the animal into a hug. “I’ll miss you.”

Stripe simpers sadly as Craig turns back towards the tree. She follows him over and uses her head to help boost him up, so that he can reach a higher branch. Craig turns back once reaching the top of the wall, looking at his beloved pet. “Goodbye” he whispers and Stripe whines softly below. Once Craig has disappeared out of view, she settles curled up at the base of the tree, looking longingly up at the place where she last saw him, waiting for him to come back. 

***

The marketplace is bustling. The various different vendors holler at those walking by while patrons scour the different stalls filled with shining gold, magnificent tapestries and delicious fresh produce. 

Tweek and his capuchin monkey companion/best friend, Kenny, are perched on top of one of these many stalls, poised and ready to carry out their plan and steal themselves some breakfast.

“Okay Kenny, go!” Tweek whisper-shouts at the little monkey in a hat. 

Kenny salutes his blonde companion with a chirp before latching all four of his monkey paws onto the end of the tent roof and swinging downwards, hanging upside down at the edge of the stall.

“Try this,” the vendor yells at the passing crowd, holding a small watermelon in his outstretched palms, “one taste and you’ll dance and sing!”

While the stall owner’s back is turned, Kenny, using his long tail to stay hooked to the stall's roof, reaches down with his paws and scoops up one of the plump watermelons, licking his lips.

“Hey! Get your paws off that!” 

The monkey sticks his tongue out at the vendor and blows a raspberry, enraging the vendor.

“Why you little…! Get away from here your cursed, filthy ape!” The vendor puts down the watermelon he’s holding to go and fight over the one in Kenny’s sticky, little paws. As he struggles with the capuchin, Tweek leans down over the roof's edge and plucks the forgotten watermelon out of the pile, disappearing back out of sight just in time before the man wins his fight with the monkey and turns back around. He goes to place the watermelons stolen back from Kenny next to the other one when he realises it’s missing. He gasps in shock before looking back at the little monkey.

Kenny lifts his red fez off his head, chirping out something that sounds alarmingly close to ‘buh bye’ before disappearing once again from sight. The vendor yells out in frustration at the realisation that he’s been hoodwinked by a monkey.

Tweek and Kenny reconvene on another roof a little further away from the raging stall owner. “Nice going Kenny! Breakfast is served.” Tweek says with a grin. He cracks the watermelon on the back of his knee, splitting it in half and sharing it with his best friend. They both dig in, not caring as the juice from the melon runs down their faces.

***

A little ways further south from where Tweek and Kenny are enjoying their breakfast, Craig browses the stalls with wide eyes, taking in all of the amazing products the market has to offer. The vendors call out to him, hoping to gain his business. 

“Pretty boy, buy a pot. No finer pot in brass or silver!”

“Sugar dates! Sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachios!”

“Would the pretty boy like a necklace? A pretty necklace for a pretty boy”

“FRESH FISH! We catch ‘em, you buy ‘em!

“Oh no,” Craig replies politely, “I don’t think so.” He’s walking backwards away from the large man waving an even larger fish in his face when he bumps into someone. The man he bumped into was a performing fire breather. As Craig bumped into him, he swallowed the fire stick he was holding so carefully before that as it dangled at his throat.

“Oh, excuse me!” Craig says. The fire breather coughs up a large puff of smoke, before banging on his chest. Craig jumps with fright when the man burps and actual flames come out of his mouth. “I’m really  _ very  _ sorry” Craig says apologetically, sidestepping around the man who is now glaring at him. 

The commotion draws Tweek’s attention to the attractive man covered in a shawl. “Wow…” he sighs. The man is slender and gangly, with large brown eyes and tufts of soft black hair peeking out under his hood He’s dressed in expensive blue finery and decorated with gold jewellery, despite the fact that he’s covered it with a cheap shawl. The look of bewilderment in the raven haired man’s eyes is enough to make Tweek’s heart beat erratically. It’s like love at first sight for the street rat. Violins play in his head as he gazes at the boy.

‘Uh oh’ Kenny chirps, as he pulls on Tweek’s head and waves a paw in front of his face. ‘Hello? Hello?’ The boy’s a lost cause already. 

Craig notices a young orphan boy, reaching up to a stall, trying to grab a handful of member berries. He saunters up to him. “Oh, you must be hungry? Here you go.” Craig picks up some member berries from the pile and hands it to the little urchin.

As Craig starts to walk away, a menacing voice sounds up behind him. “You better be able to pay for that…” He turns around and comes face to face with an imposing, menacing man with an angry scowl. 

“Pay?” Craig says puzzled.

“NO ONE STEALS FROM  _ MY _ CART!” He grabs Craig’s wrist and yanks him back towards the cart.

“O-oh, I’m sorry sir. I don’t have any money.” 

“THIEF!” the man yanks him again. Craig starts to get frantic, trying to pull at the large meaty hand clasped around his wrist. 

“Please! I-I-If you l-let me go to the palace, I can get some from the Sultan.” Craig stutters out, panic starting to set in.

Tweek and Kenny watch on, inching closer. Tweek’s heart’s in his throat as he watches the boy be harassed. He must do something.

“Do you know what the penalty is for STEALING?!” The angry vendor suddenly raises up a scimitar, the sharp of the blade shining menacingly. 

“NO! No, please!” Craig pleads.

Just as the sword starts to swing it’s downward stroke, a long tan hand is clasped around the meaty wrist of the vendor, stopping it in its path.

“Thank you, kind sir. I’m so glad you found him!” A scraggly blonde street rat is standing between Craig and the vendor. He’s wearing cream harem pants, a purple vest and a red fez hat balanced precariously on top of dirty blonde curls. The blonde turns around, grabbing Craig by the upper arm and wagging his finger at him. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” he scolds Craig, pulling him away in the opposite direction to the vendor.

_ “What are you doing?” _ Craig whispers at this mysterious young man.

_ “Just play along. _ ” the boy whispers back. 

The vendor clasps a hand onto Tweek’s skinny shoulder before they can fully get away. “You, uh, know this boy?”

Tweek sighs. “Sadly, yes. He is my brother.” he wraps his arm around the vendor's shoulder, bringing him closer so he can whisper loudly in his ear. “He’s a little crazy.” he brings his index finger up to his left ear and waves it around in a circle. 

Craig scoffs, offended by the remark.

The vendor shrugs Tweek’s arm off his shoulder, and grabs him by the vest. “He said he knew the Sultan!” 

The blonde man laughs. He gestures towards the monkey at his feet, that’s rummaging through the some passerby’s coin pouch. Kenny, suddenly catching on, runs towards them, chirping loudly. 

Craig, catching on to the ruse, gets to his knees and prostrates at the monkey, hands flat out as if in worship. “Oh wise Sultan, how may I serve you?” Kenny stands on his back legs, getting into the roll and patting the raven haired man on his head. 

“Tragic, isn’t it.” Tweek says sadly. He scoops an apple up with his hand before chucking it up at the vendor, forcing him to catch it and let go of his grasp of Tweek’s vest. “Now, come along brother. Time to go see the doctor.”

Tweek scoops the man up from the floor of the market, shepherding him away from the stall as quickly as possible.

Craig goes up to a camel chewing straw. “Oh hello doctor, how are you?” he adopts a blank look in his eyes, playing up the crazy.

“No, no, no. Not that one. Come on Sultan.” Tweek gives Kenny a pointed look.

Kenny is holding the front of his vest that’s bulging suspiciously, When he stands up to follow Craig and Tweek, the vest bursts open, member berries and gold falling out all over the floor of the market. 

“Huh, what?” the vendor says, noticing his produce spilled all over h round at the monkey's feet.

Tweek grabs the slender man’s hand and makes a break for it, Kenny following shortly behind

“COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE THIEVES!” the vendor bellows after them.

***

Tweek brought Craig to his “home”, if it could even really be called that. It was more of a runned down, abandoned building that they had claimed as their own.

“Is this where you live,” Craig asked, still holding onto Tweek’s hand as the blonde helped him past fallen down wood pillars and missing step stones.

“Yep, just me and Kenny.’ Tweek smiles, “We can come and go as we please.”

“Sounds fabulous,” Craig says, envious of the lack of restrictions. 

Tweek walks over to the torn up tapestry that shields the large hole in the side of the room. “Well, it’s not much, but,” Tweek yanks aside the fabric with a flourish. “It’s got a great view! The palace looks pretty amazing from here, huh?” Tweke looks longingly at the grand building, backdropped by the pinks and purple of the sunset. 

Craig deflates. “Oh,” he turns around, sinking down onto the step. “It’s wonderful…” 

“I wonder what it would be like to live there?” Tweek muses. “To have servants, and valet’s…”

“Oh, sure. To have people tell you where to go and how to dress,” Craig says snippily.

Tweek chuckles. “That's better than here, where you’re always scraping for food and ducking for guards.” 

“You’re not free to make your own choices.” 

“Sometimes you feel so…” Tweek says.

“You’re just…” Craig states.

“Trapped.” they say together. 

They suddenly look at eachother, locking eyes. A slow smile crawls across Craig’s face. 

Tweek blushes. He grabs 2 apples off Kenny. “Ahem, uh, so…” he rolls an apple down his elbow before launching it up and effectively tossing it into Craig's hands. “Where are you from?” He sits down beside him, only a few inches apart. 

“What does it matter…” says Craig. “I ran away and I am NOT going back.” He crosses his arms petulantly. 

“Really?” Tweek asks softly, “how come?” 

Craig sighs, looking down at his feet. “My father’s forcing me to get married.” 

Tweeks heart sinks into his shows. “Really? That’s awful…” 

Meanwhile, Kenny is trying to steal the apple out of Craig's hands. 

“KENNY!”

Kenny jumps, scampering up onto a ledge inside the room. He starts chirping and waving his hands around, mad at Tweek for giving away their dinner to this stranger.

“What's he saying?” Craig asks.

“Uh... he’s saying... ‘that’s not fair’.”

“Oh, did he?” Craig smirks. Monkey’s don’t talk. Tweek’s obviously just using Kenny as an excuse to say what he really thinks. 

“Yeah! “ Tweek says, scratching the back of his neck. “Of course.”

“Well, does Kenny have anything else to say?” Craig asks teasingly. 

Tweek leans closer towards Craig. “Well, he wishes there was something he could do to help.”

Kenny looks at Tweek with bewilderment. He crosses his arms and grumbles that is not what he was thinking at all. 

“Hm,” Craig says, leaving ever closer to Tweek, their faces only a few inches apart. “Tell him that's very… sweet.”

The two boys lean into each other more, noses only a hair width apart. Just at the moment before their lips are going to touch, a loud presence has them both jumping apart. 

“THERE YOU ARE!” the voice bellow. A trio of guards all brandishing various weapons come sidling up the staircase.

Tweek and Craig both jump to their feet. “They’re after me! They’re after you?” they say in unison.

“Father must have sent them-” Craig says rushedly. 

“Do you trust me?” Tweek poses the question, looking intently at Craig. He’s standing up on the edge of the hole in the side of the room. 

“What?!” Craig startles.

“I said, do you trust me?” Tweek holds his tan hand out towards Craig, imploring him to take it.

“Yes…” Craig says, placing his hand in the others. 

“Then juuuuuump!” Tweek, with Kenny hanging onto his shoulders, drags Craig out the window and into a free fall. They both scream as they plummet downwards for what feels like forever.

They land with a thud into a big pile of grains. Craig looks around in amazement at the fact that they’re alive, while Tweek grabs his hand to yank him up and keep running. 

Tweek runs head first into what he thinks is a wall, but quickly realises is a thick chested guard. The guard grabs his by the vest, hoisting him off his feet. “We just keep running into each other, don’t we, street rat?” he says, voice dripping with malice. 

Tweek elbows the guard in the stomach, getting him to release his hold on the blonde. Simultaneously, Kenny launches at the guards face grabbing on and pulling at his skin. “Go! Get out of here!” Tweek yells at Craig. 

The guard rips Kenny off his face, throwing him into a nearby pot. The other guards rush Tweek, grabbing him and holding him four-to-one. "It’s the dungeon for you, boy!” the largest guard laughs. 

Craig grabs the guard’s arm, pounding his fist against his upper arm. “Let him go!”

The Guard laughs at Craig's feeble attempt. “Looky here men, a street mouse!” He tosses Craig aside, making him fall to the ground. 

Craig jumps to his feet. “Unhand him,” he yanks the shawl off his head, uncovering his face and displaying the gold finery adorning his head, “by order of the prince.”

All the guards freeze, bowing to attention at once. “Prince Craig,” the main guard says.

“Prince?” Tweek says, shocked. Kenny’s head pokes out of the pot, also shocked. 

“What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?” the guard continues. 

“That’s not of your concern. Do as I command. Release him” Craig pokes his finger at the chest of the guard. 

“I would, your majesty, but my order’s come from Cartman.” the guard at least has the decency to look sheepish. “You will have to take it up with him…”

The guards start to drag Tweek away, Kenny chasing after him. Craig looks on, unable to do anything, growing madder by the second. He crosses his arms over his chest, a glare gracing his handsome face.

“Oh believe me, I will.”


End file.
